Thank you travelling Sangha

On Friday night I travelled to my local Buddhist Temple to attend chanting, meditation and a dhamma talk. It was the first time in over a decade I had attended a 'formal' group meditation session and it was as though I had never left! (Although I did feel increased sensation in my legs due to sitting on a different style cushion than I use at home).

Despite the fact that expectations can lead to dhukka, I fully expected to leave the temple many times more relaxed than how I entered, and thankfully, I wasn't disappointed. Quite the opposite!

My previous experiences in a buddhist temple were in Darwin, Northern Territory and this was my first visit to the Buddhist Society of WA temple in Perth. The guest nun who lead the meditation and dhamma talk was the sweetest thing, who spoke gentle and humourous truths.

I will definitely be making the Friday night meditation a regular occurrence. I won't be able to attend this coming weekend due to our travelling to the Nannup Music Festival. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to discover that tai chi and meditation are part of the programme each morning during this year's festival!

Now I can even do my group meditation there. I just want to send out my gratitude to the universe for supplying such a wonderful and supportive sangha, who are even happy to travel with me! I am so blessed.

The Depth of Doubt

I remember my bhante (buddhist teacher) telling me once that doubt is a useful tool, but also the last hurdle to leap on the path to enlightenment - it is there till the end. 

Using doubt as a tool to question your thoughts, feelings and beliefs is something I have learnt to do with practise; however some times the doubt travels so deeply - to my core, and it's hard to think about anything else.

Am I in the right job? Should I become ordained? Should I sell everything? Should I stay or should I go? What will happen to my loving partner and our dogs?

I try to use these experiences to open my awareness to the various opportunities available to me, however searching for the other, the better somewhere else, is just a form of chasing, of grasping at the future.

It is a bit like being an alcoholic; taking one day at a time - I don't need to figure out all the answers now, I just need to do the best I can in this moment, and the next moment, and the next moment.

Unfortunately at times like this my ability to remain in the moment is reduced, and my awareness of how short and fleeting our lives are increases, so I have an overwhelming urge to change SOMETHING. Something that will take me one step closer to the end of samsara; this never-ending wheel of birth, life and death.

It must be time to contemplate The Noble Eightfold Path. Perhaps my monthly challenges could instead be focused on the precepts instead of habits?! Although it might be more appropriate to contemplate the path during my morning meditations...

How deep is your doubt? 

I love the internet

I LOOOOVE THE IIINTERNEEEEET!

Good morning everyone, that's me calling from the hilltops my love for the internet. This morning I have already had 'contact' with four inspiring groups/people via my screen. Firstly, I'm enjoying playing on google plus; a very nice alternative to facebook although probably equally evil when we look under the bed.

Already I have 'met' like-minded people who I can share thoughts and jokes with; I'll probably never meet them in person in my life, but that doesn't matter. Just knowing they're out there is a warming feeling. It gets tiring being the only oddball vegetarian buddhist anarchist among a state of conservatives!

Being able to read the thoughts of people like Leo Babauta in the morning is a truly inspiring way to start the day. Then being able to read amazing messages from great artists (that's you Banksy) lifts me up beyond the drab grey haziness of everyday drudgery.

One day we might not have the freedom to read and find whatever we choose on the internet; maybe through censorship or lack of electricity (after the apocalypse), so enjoy it now! And be aware of the gift you have at your fingertips. Enjoy.

Quantum mechanics: What do you mean I’m empty headed?

I watched a documentary last night called The Story of Science (Episode 2. What is the world made of?) Which, within the first 30 seconds completely blew my mind. Apparently if you were to take every person on the planet and remove all the empty space in us and push our matter together, we would take up the same amount of space as one small sugar cube. That’s all 7 billion of us in that one small sugar cube.

This is because when you break down what IS matter, you find molecules of elements made of atoms, but in each atom is a miniscule nucleus surrounded by a few whizzing electrons that don’t really occupy any space. Quantum mechanics does its best to offer a theory of where our electrons may pop into being at any one time, but, the electrons are so far away from the nucleus that the massive majority of what makes us (and all matter in the universe) is nothing. Void. Empty space.

A brilliant quote by physicist Niels Bohr offered in the program is, “If quantum mechanics hasn’t profoundly shocked you, you haven’t understood it yet”. Really this is a mind blowing concept if ever there was one. I feel solid, so does the ground, my chair, this desk; actually it’s all just empty space with trillions of tiny atoms moving around each other.

Although the theory of quantum mechanics has raised more questions than it has answered, it opens up the realm of possibility for human potential. As a Buddhist, it seems to me that knowing quantum mechanics (particularly, knowing that we are void empty space) is akin to enlightenment. Is it possible that Buddha had this awakening under the bodhi tree, that we are just star dust and space?

Of course knowing something with your head and knowing something with each atom of your body are two separate things. The movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?” discusses the possibilities that open up as we take charge of our infinite possibilities and manage our internal mayhem. I had a eureka moment watching that movie years ago as I realised that I had been choosing to be depressed for years because that was the habit my body was in. Changing my mood was literally up to me to change my mind. Once you have this knowledge you can change yourself in an instant. I did.

I’m not saying I’ve never been depressed since watching that movie, but when I’ve felt the old habits of whinging and sulking begin, I’m aware I have the power to change them, and I do. I no longer wallow in self-pity, and that’s a pretty amazing skill to have learnt while watching a movie.

As a new generation grow up with the knowledge of quantum physics, the possibilities of a deeper understanding are apparent. If we KNOW in our vibrating physical being that we are simply nuclei, electrons and space, what is stopping us from separating our bodies into particles in space? Humankind has the potential for a conscious evolution.

No, by the way, I’m not tripping, although I understand your point. This can all sound very hippy-dippy fast, which is why it is so amazing that scientific theory and research are proving that fact is truly stranger than fiction.

First 12km Fun Run: Results and Reaction

Yesterday I completed the HBF Run for a Reason 12 kilometre course, and I managed to run jog the entire way. I am so proud of myself!

Considering just over 6 months ago I couldn't run at all I feel a huge sense of accomplishment having completed this distance, even though today I am hobbling like a chicken with two broken legs...

The official race results will be published tomorrow, but according to my watch I finished the race in 1 hour and 16 minutes: 5 minutes less than my previous 12kms during training.

At the start line there were rows and rows of portaloos that had been brought into the city centre, and about 400 people queued up to use them! It was cold and about twenty minutes before the race I decided I needed to pee. There was no way I was going to make it through the queue and back to the start in time so I held on.

There were four areas of portaloos along the race course but a queue at every one of them... so I ended up running the entire 12kms needing to pee! It was good motivation to keep running and get there as fast as I could. Perhaps this did affect my running form which went out the window about 5 minutes into the race.

I'm sure this is why my knee is so sore today; it started hurting after the first kilometre or so. Despite a sore knee and a heavy bladder I kept on going, I never really doubted I would make it, which for me is a very positive improvement in mindset.

Having experienced depression in my life, I'm very aware of the critical voices in my head which are regularly mumbling in the background - I think we all have them. However with regular practice in meditation and mindfulness I am now able to notice when these voices arise, stop the train of thought (by focusing on the present: "feet on the floor, breath in the nostrils" etc.) which helps stop the cycle of depression beginning. This kind of mindfulness is a very powerful tool against depression.

What is new, what I'm not used to, is hearing a positive silence; a lack of internal critical voices. I didn't really experience this until I started running long enough to zone-out. Meditation in action. I don't need to focus on my breathing, or on my feet hitting the pavement, I just stop thinking altogether and start experiencing life.

This is how I felt during moments of the run but overall I just KNEW I would make it, no matter what. Have you experienced a rise in self-confidence? What helped you?

Authenticity in Personality

While away on my break I was handed a great compliment: I was told I was authentic.
When I asked what this meant I was told that "I am who I claim to be" (I'm paraphrasing); I thanked the person and moved on, however was left with a nagging feeling... am I authentic?

Yes and No would be the short answer. If you get to know me then I agree with the statement above, I live my life based on my own personal moral compass and to a large degree "you get what you see".

However, there is a large gap between seeing me and knowing me. I often joke that if people from work could see me at home (or in the country, where I've been for the last week) they either wouldn't recognise me, or they would get a shock!

At work I dress well, am neat and tidy and come across as a professional, organised person. At home on the other hand, I'm a slob, at best. I'm sure this is normal for a lot of people, but what I'm questioning is the subtler lack-of-correction when people make false assumptions about you.

One example is people who offer to share their lunch, let's say they brought in too much chicken curry and are looking to share. I would be more likely to say, "no thanks" than "no thanks, I'm vegetarian". Why?

Although I'm used to being the only buddhist vegetarian I know, I don't go out of my way to tell people I'm either. If I'm asked a direct question I will answer it honestly but I leave A LOT about myself unsaid and therefore unknown.

Is this being authentic? It doesn't feel like it, but then again, I don't want to be the sort of person that shoves my choices down other people's throats, so I just don't talk about them much.

What does being authentic mean to you?